I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
