Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
nutella sex= disaster
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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