I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
