just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
