i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
