turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
