i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
