there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
