Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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