Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
