i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
