She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
