I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
