I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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