Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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