The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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