how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
