She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
