At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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