Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
