i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he thought i was a dude.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
