Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
