I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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