Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
