What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
