Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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