The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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