you guys were way drunker than both of me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
