if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
