you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
