using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My cat gives me a boner
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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