is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
