I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
