Pants 0. Shit 1.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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