My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
