are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
