after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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