I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
