He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
