Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
