i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
