Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
