Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
