he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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