The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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