hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
