i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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