why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
