Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
