i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
