Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
