the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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