dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
