I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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