i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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