we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
