i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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