3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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