There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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