Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
