I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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