i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
