apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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