sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
